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Make damn sure..

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Dec. 25th, 2006 | 11:00 pm

I’ve got to say the best movie that I’ve seen besides American History X is Man On Fire, and of course.. Disney movies, but those are in a whole other category.

I also have to say that I haven’t updated a real update in a while, so I guess I owe it to anyone who feels like reading.. even though many people don’t comment useful shit, I have a lot on my mind.. so this is going to be a nice one I think.. if I can bring myself to do it, haha.

Basically, when I moved home from college my mom bought me a new desk and a new computer desk, and I like them very much, but those were my main Christmas gifts. I also got a game called Crazy Taxi for PS2.. and she got my tetris game from online because we couldn’t find it anywhere, and I used to have it but my cousin fucking thieved it. She also got me a Mario game for my Nintendo ds, I also got the movie Man On Fire.. my mom searched everywhere for that too, I didn’t know things were so hard to find around Christmas, haha.. and of course she got us our normal stocking stuff, like.. shaving cream, razors, toothbrush, toothpaste, candy..etc. speaking of, I’d like some. :D

I’m kind of fed up with the way everything has been going on lately, to be honest. I need to make some new friends, and I’m so sick of saying that I’m up for it and stuff but then I’m actually too shy to go out and attempt at the first step.

Number one thing on my mind at the moment – FRIENDS. One friend in particular is pissing me off completely, and I’m not sure if she’s going to come across this and be all pissed off at me, but I really don’t care at the moment. Ever since I left for college I have been trying to make plans with her for when I came back on vacations, I’d make some plans for days, etc.. and she’d always come up with some dumb excuse. Most of the time it’s working, but when I’m around and can hang out with her before or after work, what is her excuse then? You tell me.. what excuse is left? I don’t know but it’s never an option apparently. It pisses me off because I see that she is making plans with everyone else when I’m bothering to tell her straight out that I care and I miss her and I want to hang out with her.. she says the same shit to me but never acts on the fucking words. The sad thing about it is, she doesn’t have to do shit, I have to drive to her house to hang out, or go pick her up, etc.. so what the fuck.. seriously. Today she had a bulliten on myspace saying something was wrong, so I bothered to ask her what had happened, did I get a respond? Fuck no I didn’t. I asked her a while ago if she’d go to a concert with me in March or April.. how far away is that! And shes like “I’ve got no money, I’m broke” yet.. she works all the time, and its far away.. you tell me.. fucking excuses. It sucks because I hate putting all my effort for shit that shouldn’t be this fucking hard. Is it that hard to be a friend now a days? You tell me.

I have also been trying to hang out with old friends from high school, but with some there is too much drama in the past, or atleast with one, or two. & I’m not sure how in the end it’s going to be.. I hate that I worry about what other people think about the people I hang out with.. I shouldn’t ever be like that, but sadly I am.. same as with what people think about me.. to an extent I don’t care about what others think, but then to another extent, I kinda do. I want plans to work out with people, but for some reason they never end up happening, and that’s what pisses me off.

I want a group of friends, like.. where we all get along and it’s a group, more than 2 of us.. and I mean, I could join in on some guys group I’ve been chatting with, and I’d probably have a really great time, they’re great people, but at the same time.. it’s hard for me to just join into something and actually do good in it, you know? But I guess that’s just me.

Stacey turned out to be a complete douche.. didn’t cry when I left, but cried when Meghan left? What the fuck is up with that? So much for “best roomies forever” etc.. lmao, I loved how she said I was all about Mike in the last week of me being there, when she didn’t bother to fucking voice it while I was there, did she? Whatever.. fuck it. It’s done and I may not be over the fact that it was as if she didn’t care when I was leaving, I’m getting there.. I realize who my true friends from Cobleskill are, and I’m glad I have them, that’s all that matters.

Leaving for college, and leaving college.. you learn so much about the people you think you know, it’s not even funny how much I’ve learned. I’m glad that I realized it how I had with Meghan, and definitely with the people from home.

You know who I miss a lot though? Jason.. he hasn’t talked to me in a long time, no texts, nothing.. and that blows, because he was my absolute best friend in the whole entire world.. and now it’s like.. he moved to PA and the end. The last I heard he was trying to make it there, trying to get a job, stay off of drugs and alcohol, save money and get his ass back here.. so we’ll see, right? I also want to hang out with Bekkah lots more.

I wish that I could just come out and be myself around people, screw what they think, etc. but I’m always too worried about what people think at times.. and maybe I just don’t know who I exactly am at the same time. Who the fuck is Danielle Gricci? Reminds me of what got me to write that little piece of art I did a while ago..

This is really long and I haven’t even talked about the majority of shit I wanted to talk about, so I feel kinda bad..

Basically, I talked to my brother about the whole job situation, and he told me that I can’t say yes to working on New years, because by saying yes I’m letting them walk all over me before I even START there again, and that’s just not a good thing, because when I worked there previously that’s all it was about. I told her no that I couldn’t, and she just told me that she had found someone else to work it and for me to call her after Christmas sometime.. I wonder how many hours I’m going to get, because if I’m not getting a lot it’d be neat to have a second job, until I start college up again. Which I’m thinking I’ll be doing in the fall.. next year.

The end.

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from: blackiechuu
date: Dec. 26th, 2006 09:02 pm (UTC)

Random comment - I love it when I'm not the only one that leaves crazy-long LJ posts ^^.

- I know exactly what ya mean, I've had similar things happen with friends. It makes me wonder why I even bother making plans with people if I'm just gonna be let down. I fucking hate liars. I'd rather somebody be straight-up and real with me than feed me bullshit.

- I'm feeling the same way with my old friends also, except I'm more the one who's gone through drama. But I have changed since we used to be tight, heck, even a few months before leaving for college I started to feel like things were different and I wondered why I still hung out with them. I'm guilty of being concerned of what people think of who I hang out with as well. And I want to be myself, yet worry about what others would think of me and how they'd judge me. Then again, to tell the truth, I don't even know who 'I' really am?

Whenever you come up to visit Coby, we def have to chill at some point. I'm gonna have my own room next semester, hell yeah ^^! I hope things work out for ya :)


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